Table of Contents
In Commander, board states can get pretty complicated. When four players are showing off their flashiest cards and the median deck is a midrange value pile, threat assessment, politics, and planning become a nightmare. New players tend to cringe at all the cardboard they’re expected to read.
But must it be so complicated? Isn’t there a way to clear the table of rules text? Today, we cast all of it aside. By the end of the game, we won’t need to read cards, because we’re going to stab everybody. On a 100$ budget, too!
Stab Everybody?
Erinis, Gloom Stalker is a 3 mana uncommon commander from the Baldur’s Gate set, a 3 mana 3/3 with that lets you recur a land when it attacks. It’s a helpful ability, and we’ll take advantage of it, but more than anything else, we’re concerned with two abilities: “Choose a Background,” and “Deathtouch.” Erinis is the only commander with both of these abilities, which makes Erinis the perfect partner for Street Urchin.
Street Urchin is a 2 mana Background, which can be used as a partner for commanders with the “Choose a Background” ability. While it’s out, by paying 1 mana and sacrificing an artifact, you can have your commander deal 1 damage to any creature. And if you’ll recall, our commander has deathtouch, which means 1 damage is enough to destroy any creature… In the command zone, we have an extremely potent Murder engine at instant speed, alongside some helpful ramp.
In other words, we’re going to get some mana, get some sacrifice fodder, and then kill every single important creature our opponents cast. This is a control deck, so it won’t go as fast as other, splashier Gruul decks, but if you want to stab everybody, this is the deck for you.
Coating the Blade
In a normal game, your first two turns won’t be too exciting. You might ramp once or throw down your Background, nothing much. If you can get a land in your graveyard, using a Terramorphic Expanse, you should do that with any extra mana. On turn three (or earlier with a mana dork), you’ll play your commander.
And I know what you might be thinking at this point, dear reader. “Won’t everyone want to remove your commander if you leave it out in the open?” That is a possibility, which is why I make one very persuasive argument to each player: “I’ll be able to stop your opponents from pulling ahead.”
From their perspective, your engine stops them from making big plays, but it also stops everyone else from making big plays. If an opponent has removal, they probably don’t have that big haymaker they need to win, and vice versa. The player with the removal spell might want to save it for when they can actually break parity, and the player with the haymaker but no removal won’t be able to protest either. (Also, even if someone has both, at this deck’s power level, it’s still usually a better idea to hold onto it in case a more imminent threat comes.)
On turn four, you’ll attack and recur a land, and hopefully, by the end of your turn, you’ll have everything you need to draw first blood.
First Blood
Your commanders are on the field and you’ve got a Murder in the chamber. Is it time to start stabbing everybody? No, definitely not yet. You’ve got something even better now: Mutually Assured Destruction. If someone tries to remove your commander now, you could respond by killing their best thing, and as you accrue more mana you’ll be able to threaten an even greater revenge.
Act as the referee for now. You’re the control deck. You don’t scale quickly, so your opponents will see you as a check on everyone else rather than the murder hobo you will soon become. By the time they notice how sharp your board is getting, you’ll have at least three stabs, if not five or more.
I need to make this very clear clear: unless you are 100% certain your commander is safe and you have a token generator already on your board, always leave up at least one stab.
As we enter the mid game, we will start swinging with Erinis to put more lands into play. Your opponents will not block, and if they do, you can stab their blockers at instant speed. Meanwhile, you’ll play your token generators and draw. We have lots of powerful options here. Scute Swarm is an obvious include, even on our relatively restricted budget. It will win games on its own in most decks that can use its landfall triggers, and in this one it clears blockers too. Other powerful token options include Tireless Provisioner, Curse of Opulence, Loyal Apprentice, and Omnath, Locus of Rage.
Our four one mana protection spells are worth it at this stage of the game. If the threat of a stab doesn’t work, you’re already holding up mana for a Snakeskin Veil. Our draw isn’t explosive, but what we do have is also very important starting from this point. Some of our draw is boiled into everything else, but a special shoutout goes to the draw in our mana base. With Erinis swinging every turn, Cryptic Caves becomes a card draw engine. Roadside Reliquary is even better under most circumstances.
Unfortunately, against some decks, you might have to be more aggressive here. Artifact decks and enchantment decks can mess you up if they aren’t relying on creatures. Your only hope may be convincing everyone else that they’re the threat and taking them out early, a dangerous bargain if you can’t then dismantle your other opponents’ boards.
Barring that, by turn seven or eight, unless someone else is going full ramp, you will hopefully have the most mana at the table, plus a smattering of tokens. Congratulations! You may now stab everybody.
Stabbing Everybody
Your first big round of stabs should cripple everyone else. No one else should have relevant creatures left after you start stabbing. In case of a Teferi's Protection or something like that, make sure your stabs resolve one at a time. It shouldn’t even matter if you get your commanders taken out while you’re stabbing everybody. You should have enough mana to recast either or both on your next turn.
Your resources should be plentiful now. Don’t even stop to read the creatures your opponents play, just stab them. Without blockers, your opponents can only wait for you to kill them.
Some of our finishers are slow, but our opponents will be even slower. This is a control deck, after all. Something like Titania, Protector of Argoth will only add 5-10 power to your board every turn, but that alone is enough to finish off your opponents over ~5-7 turns. Our draw is also slow and mana-intensive, but you’ll have plenty of time and plenty of mana to spend until you draw the finisher.
Boardwipes can cause problems for you, so to mitigate that, try to keep a full grip of cards. Imagine there’s a 20% chance of a Farewell coming next turn before you play another value piece. Will you still be ahead of everyone else, and will you have enough token generation left in your hand or deck to win if everything gets exiled? Playing carefully is important when you can’t win quickly.
If you do see them, Valgavoth's Onslaught and Depthshaker Titan can close the game in a relative instant. Cast for X=5 or more, Onslaught adds enough power to oneshot a player on your next turn. Depthshaker can be even better, turning every token you control into a potential 6/6 with haste and trample. It’s the cleanest finisher in the deck, and it’s the best target for a late Archdruid's Charm.
All said, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to stab everybody before you crown yourself the winner.
More Tips
Here, I’ll splash in some more specific advice to help you maximize your cards.
- Archdruid's Charm is the most expensive card in the deck, but it’s here for good reason. For three mana, it can exile an artifact/enchantment, tutor any land onto the field, or tutor any creature into our hand. Early game, grab one of the lands listed below. Later, you can get Depthshaker Titan to end the game.
- Fabled Passage, Cryptic Caves, and Roadside Reliquary are the deck’s best lands. Passage can tutor a free untapped basic every turn with Erinis, while the latter two can draw cards. This deck has ten lands that sacrifice themselves for value, and while those three are the standouts, each one can make Erinis an extremely strong ramp/draw engine.
- Retrofitter Foundry is okay enough as a one mana card that can make tokens, but it’s even better alongside cards like Loyal Apprentice that make Thopter tokens, giving you a 4/4 every turn. It’s truly spectacular with Stridehangar Automaton: Whenever you sacrifice a Thopter for your 4/4, the automaton will make you a new Thopter.
- If your gameplan is already working and you draw a bomb like Scute Swarm or Avenger of Zendikar, hold it back in case of a boardwipe. You’ll be able to bounce right back.
Upgrades
At a $100 base budget, this deck has plenty of room to grow.
First, we’ll be adding as many fetchlands as we can afford. Each fetchland is pretty much another copy of Fabled Passage. Drop a mountain and a forest each, and then start replacing our tapped fetches. You can also add a Stomping Ground and a Commercial District to give our fetches better options. I wouldn’t go too low on the basic count, though—you’ll be repeating your fetches a lot and you don’t want to run out.
We can add better ramp. Birds of Paradise, Lotus Cobra, Delighted Halfling, and Icetill Explorer are expensive staples for a reason. Springheart Nantuko and Spiteful Banditry are exceptional token generators with other great purposes. There’s great protection at a higher budget as well. Heroic Intervention can protect your whole board, and Sylvan Safekeeper is a protection piece that can also sacrifice lands like Khalni Garden to retrigger their ETBs. You can also upgrade the one mana protection spells we already have.
Moraug, Fury of Akoum, meanwhile, is a finisher that can win the game immediately with Erinis and any fetch on an open board. With higher quality options, you could try to put more creature makers in the deck. That lets you support potent finishers like Overrun or even a Craterhoof Behemoth. Alternatively, you can build into even stronger artifact token makers for even higher consistency.
Tutors will also help. Being able to find your finishers is very powerful. If you’re adding Game Changers, my first three suggestions would be Crop Rotation, Worldly Tutor, and Gamble. If you’re leaning towards artifacts, tutors will be especially valuable, because your Depthshaker Titan will be especially lethal when you find it.
Last Words
You’ve learned how to Stab Everybody. Use your knowledge wisely. Or with reckless abandon. We don’t judge. That’s all for today.
